Christmas is a scoundrel

We recently had our work christmas party.

It was amazing.

Skits are highly regarded here. I have no discernible talent for singing (I have actually, literally made a baby cry with my singing), my dancing is… and my acting talent has been dormant since I was in Mr. Crouse’s high school drama class and he told me that my hair was such a beautiful, mousy shade.

I was in two productions, because that’s the kind of joiner I am. In one I portrayed a nun who was anti-contraceptives and then had a magical change of heart due to a fabulous dance done in my general direction and so became a nun in favor of family planning.

this was all done through the power of mime.

then i participated in a group choreographed dance done to a black eyed peas rendition of some salsa number. we were all ladies with one man. the ladies were kitted out in black with scarves tied jauntily about our hips, the better to showcase the arrhythmic beats. the man had on all black as well, but his scarf was nonchalantly draped about his neck and he had a matching straw hat. when the peas broke it down rap style, he vaulted to the middle of the circle and approximated a robot going ape-shit. it was the best thing i’ve seen in my entire life. i had to stop dancing because i was experiencing such spasms of joy at the sight.

after his inspired performance, it is kind of no wonder that we all forgot our steps and kept repeating the same two instead of mixing it up a bit as we had exhaustively practiced before.

the performances after ours were no less sparkly. there were skits i could barely comprehend, dances of choreographed majesty, and a talent competition in which i learned something about one of my co-workers that i would never have guessed. ever. he’s super smart, savvy, amazing at his job. he also appears fairly straight-laced and practical.

the man can dance

his

ass

off.

it was ridiculous. he was swooping and swerving and leading his partner to places she wouldn’t have been able to even look at without him guiding her. he was fucking patrick swayze hauling baby’s ass out of the corner. no spaghetti arms there. they were firmly in their own dance spaces. the expression on his face was joy like you rarely see in people, really. joy and comfort and a sense of this THIS IS WHAT I WAS MEANT TO DO.

it was truly magnificent.

and it made me want to learn how to salsa in a way i cannot express.

one of the last numbers was a relatively new fellow who was singing. he likes to sing the old time power ballads. he had on a suit and a collared shirt with the buttons undone just enough to put the lounge into lounge singer. he sang a tom jones song that i keep wanting to write was called sex bomb, but i know for absolute certain that he didn’t sing sex bomb. i may have just been hoping that he would because that would have been the most amazing. but he DID say, when he slunk onto stage, “where my ladies at?” which is almost ALMOST as good. a few coworkers flung flowers at him while he was singing, and he had a few women on stage with him sliding around. at the end, loads of confetti popped and floated on stage.

there was also a belly dancing number, a dancing/runway show number, numerous bad santas, and a few naughty looking mrs. clauses.  

i’ve got one more year of the magical christmas party. definitely have to brush up on the salsa.

i may, in fact, need to become a triple threat and brush up on my spanish, sing a spanish song, and slink around salsa-style.

all in the name of christmas.

Tags: acting, awesome, christmas, karaoke, naughty claus, nun, only in the philippines, salsa, skits, Spanish