latest search term to get to my sweet words: go naked
i’m assuming this has to do with the bottled smoothie.
i went to the doctor to talk about some health issues–my breakouts and my moles. it is annoying to have wrinkles and breakouts. seriously, it seems unfair. so the derma and i chatted about my skin and she took my history and order approximately five hundred million blood tests for me to rule out everything before she makes an official diagnosis. though she thinks i have something called ’sweat acne’ caused by all of my tremendous workouts.
hmmm.
yes, i work out, but i feel as though if my breakouts can be attributed to that, shouldn’t i be working out more? shouldn’t the workouts be worthy of such a side effect? shouldn’t i ACTUALLY be training for a triathalon rather than just telling people i am as i secretly plan to eat a soft serve ice cream cone (soft serve is my favorite. i love soft serve so much that when i was flipping channels the other day and saw a place in jersey that specializes in freshly made soft serve i considered going there. then realized it 1) is in jersey 2) is rather far to go for soft serve and 3) kind of means i have an eating disorder if i would plan a vacation based on soft serve.)? then she wrote down a list of different things i had to buy to make my skin combat the whole effects of my rigorous workout regime. when i got directions to where to go (i thought i’d be going to the pharmacy), it turned out i was going to her store! where she sells her line of cosmetics!
i was tricked! she’s a trickster!
so i rolled over like a chihuahua and bought the list of what she recommended. except for the tinted moisturizer because it only came in pink-based shades. when i wear those, i look bizarre because i have noticeably yellow tints to my skin. i’m super yellow, even though i have red in my hair and am fair. i’m a yellow yellow lady. even my eyes have yellow in them even though they are blue. so her stuff just won’t work.
fascinating.
but the part that i found very interesting was i mentioned to her that i have moles i’m concerned about. we’re a very fair family, what with the scandinavian blood and all so moles/skin cancer are always a concern. i’ve had full body checks a few times but they are always something i put off because i hate doctors. since i was at the derma, i figured i’d show her one or two then make an appointment for a full check, as that is how it always goes at home.
not here.
i pull up my sleeve to show her and she’s all, oh just take off your shirt. then she turns back to her computer and starts typing on my chart and i take off my shirt. she has me turn slowly around and then says, okay, take off your pants. so she sits there watching while i take off my pants and feel rather awkward and the need to make lame jokes like, oh usually there’s music on when i do this. i felt like the least talented private dancer ever. in the states, you never undress in front of doctors. you go into the little room, are directed to the paper robe and told whether or not to keep on your underwear and then the assistant leaves you to your privacy. then after five minutes and when you are engrossed in the family circle article on frosting sugar cookies for all holidays, there’s a soft knock on the door and your name said in a questioning tone of voice. you give the all clear signal and the doctor enters.
your modesty remains in tact. even when you’re flat on your back, feet in the air, there’s this understanding that you don’t actually have a naked body. it is magically always clothed. you don’t even have underwear. if you have to have a breast exam or other parts of you examined, only that part is revealed, while all else is carefully covered. your body is reduced to squares and triangles and patches.
so this, hey go ahead and take off your clothes, i’ll just sit here five inches away felt a little weird.
but she said i’m fine, just a few places to watch but no big deal, and i could buy 60 spf sunscreen from her for only $35.
